Thanks to Micah Snell—

Achilles Pitt:

  • “The first rule of Greek Fight Club is I refuse to fight in Greek Fight
    Club.”

    Hector Bana:

  • “Don’t make him angry…I really won’t like him if you make him angry.”
  • “I don’t care if Achilles is from the Styx. I’ve got his number.”
  • “Finally equal billing with an Achaean! Nobody ever pays attention to
    the temperate man.”
  • “The older brother always has to bail the younger one out.”

    Paris Bloom:

  • “Achaeans? Who cares about freakin’ Achaeans? I slew a freakin’
    oliphaunt in my last flick. I’m self-confident enough to just be the
    whiny pretty boy.”
  • “Wow, Helen is almost as beautiful as me.”
  • “In a few thousand years some scampy chick is going to give people named
    Paris a bad reputation.”

    Menelaus Gleeson:

  • “My favorite movie scene is the one where Orlando Bloom falls out of the
    Blackhawk and dies in the first 3 minutes of the film.”
  • “Sparta always gets the bum rap. No one likes us as much as Athens. Oh
    well, could be worse, nobody’s ever heard of Mycenae.”

    Agamemnon Cox:

  • “The older brother always has to bail the younger one out.”
  • If I didn’t get first pick of the spoils this trip would suck for me as
    much as it does for all the other Achaeans.”

    Helen Kruger:

  • “If I only had a brain…”
  • “There are so many studs around here I think I’ll flirt with whichever
    one is closest.”
  • “I got to kiss Orlando!”
  • “Good thing I’m beautiful, otherwise I wouldn’t have a single thing
    going for me.”

    Priam O’Toole:

  • “I’ve got so many descendants I should seriously consider becoming
    Mormon.”
  • “How the heck did I get roped into such an imbecilic gig? I feel like
    Alec Guiness in Star Wars IV.”

    Odysseus Bean:

  • “The horse is a gift! We can turn it to our own purposes.”
  • “Armand Assante eat your heart out.”
  • “What a load of oafs I’m allied with. I could really use some lotus
    right about now.”
  • “Do well at the box office do well at the box office do well at the box
    office do well at the box office”

    Aeneas Fitzgerald:

  • “Good thing I’m not of Priam’s bloodline. Somebody’s gotta bring
    redemption out of this whole fiasco.”
  • “All the really cool people in this saga will get their own sequel.”
  • “All the really really cool people in this saga will sire their own
    empire.”
  • “Do well at the box office do well at the box office do well at the box
    office do well at the box office”

    The Muse:

  • “Hey wait a minute! Why weren’t we consulted on this?”

    Diomedes:

  • “You’d think the most prominent Achaean warrior in the first half of the
    story could at least get cast in the movie.”

    Keira Knightley:

  • “I’m not Helen?”

    Homer:

  • “It’s a good thing I’m blind and I don’t have to see the movie”

    So, will it be good?